


Falling

by memoriadeleri



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Breaking Up & Making Up, M/M, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-10
Updated: 2014-02-09
Packaged: 2018-01-11 19:57:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1177287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/memoriadeleri/pseuds/memoriadeleri
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>His entire life spent trying to reach the sun, but only to fall to his death when within arm's reach of that ball of fire. He was Icarus. His dreams of worthiness, of recognition, of happiness, and Steve - the sun. He could have had it all. . A quick fall with an anchor on tied around his ankle into an ocean that with every movement would only pull him deeper. He was drowning, but he was Icarus.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Falling

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Hate Me](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1172223) by [memoriadeleri](https://archiveofourown.org/users/memoriadeleri/pseuds/memoriadeleri). 



His entire life spent trying to reach the sun, but only to fall to his death when within arm's reach of that ball of fire. He was Icarus. His dreams of worthiness, of recognition, of happiness, and Steve - the sun. He could have had it all. . A quick fall with an anchor on tied around his ankle into an ocean that with every movement would only pull him deeper. He was drowning, but he was Icarus. 

-

Tony remembers distinctly when all of this had started. The flashbacks were brutal, only making him lean on the alcohol even harder.   
"He was cold, calculating. He never told me he loved me, never even told me he liked me." Tony would say, taking a swig of whiskey to hold back that ball of bile sitting at the bottom of his throat. But Steve had heard it all. That blessing that Steve was, he didn't get angry. He didn't pretend to understand how hard of a toll it was on Tony, but instead he sat beside him and tried to coax the bottle out of his hand with soft kisses and warm touches.

It was a slow build-up. Week after blurry week of alcohol, broken bottles, plenty of yelling, mostly on Tony's part, and something had come undone. Steve stopped being soft. His patience was wearing thin, and Tony could see that. He saw it in the way his eyes got dark when he saw a glass of whiskey on his desk, in the way that he wouldn't come to bed until the silent hours of the night, in the way that Steve would chide him for never being around the rest of the crew anymore. Neither of them were sure where it all went wrong, but this certainly wasn't working. 

"Tony, for God's sake, put the bottle _down._ " Steve was trying so hard to keep his cool, eyes clenched shut, brow furrowed..  His knuckles were white from gripping the kitchen countertop between himself and Tony. On any other occasion, Tony would have imagined those fingers wrapping around his own neck and just _snapping._ This was different. This time Tony wasn't arguing just to get a response, or just so he could feel something. 

_Icarus,_ Tony would think,  _I am Icarus._ But his thoughts were cut short when Steve ripped the bottle from his grip and as it fell to the ground, everything seemed to be silent. Tony's voice was inaudible, an apology that meant nothing. Steve was angry, and rightfully so, but Tony distanced himself, mentally and physically. 

"Is this worth it, Stark? Is the goddamn alcohol worth this?" Steve spat, voice rough and jagged enough to cut through steel. "I can't do this anymore. I can't take it. I love you, I do, I love you but you're not worth what I'm going through to be with you." Tony didn't even get a word in, surprisingly enough. The one time that it would have been best to speak up, he couldn't find any words that wouldn't make this worse. "This is it. Nothing else."

It didn't hurt just yet. Later, he would dwell on every single word that Steve said that night, when the only way to sleep was to let the booze take over his system. He would later wish that one day it would be too much and he would never wake up. But now wasn't the time. 

Tony could only stare as Steve packed up. No words, no thoughts - he was completely numb from a mix of alcohol and defence mechanism. Steve rushed, obviously tearing up while he did so. One of the many things that Tony had admired about his beloved Captain America was his ability to look so strong and beautiful with tears in his eyes. Maybe Tony just had a complete inability to cry, or to properly vent.  While Steve haphazardly packed a suitcase, Tony simply stood in the doorway - floored. It hadn't caught up with him just yet, he couldn't make sense of the words that Steve was saying. The only words going through his head were  _I am Icarus._   _And this is the ocean._

So close to the sun, but now he was falling. 


End file.
